Let the train take the strain?

I had to decide recently about getting to the Airport, shall I drive or catch the train?

I decided to catch the train, not any old train but one with early morning commuters on it oh how I miss those halcyon days (NOT!) .

This got me thinking if driverless cars take off would commuters still catch the train every day?

For commuter journeys up to say 90 minutes you can definitely see the benefits of using a driverless car as it will be cheaper, more convenient and you can get more work done.

But I started to think about what the other impacts might be of switching from train to driverless car.

I was wondering will people miss the following –

1. Standing in the freezing cold on stations waiting for delayed trains – I doubt it
2. Each January airing their complaints about the horrendous percentage rise in rail prices- I doubt it
3. If you are cut short on a train you have the ability of a nearby toilet (assuming you can get to it/the door locks properly and the last 10 occupants waste is not still swilling around in toilet – I doubt it,  although driverless cars might even have a loo best not used in mixed company though.
4. Having to sit on the floor because of overcrowding or not enough carriages – I doubt it but if you do you can always sit on the cars floor when you get withdrawal symptoms
5. Being wedged in a small hot place with a lot of wriggling/smelly/noisy/drunk/borish  people who you don’t know or want to know- I doubt it but you could always get the car to pick up some hitch hikers when you get withdrawal symptoms
6. The occasional witty announcement made over the station/train tannoy systems by rail staff – Get in now record them and put them on YouTube for playing on driverless commuter trips in the future to add some nostalgia to your trip.
7. Standing on platforms in the same place next to the same people day in day out and each day not talking to the other person (unless major delay) This might just be a London commuter thing!!  – I doubt it
8. Needing to know where to stand on a platform so as you are opposite the exit and needing to know how long it takes from getting from one train to the next one so as you don’t miss it- If there isn’t an app already there should be!!
9. The tranquillity of living on the edge of major cities currently with quiet roads that all of a sudden look very attractive to a driverless cars computer – This will be very annoying although it does have its fun moments  when watching driverless cars /lorries e.g. double trailer flower lorries getting stuck and having to hand over to their drivers to sort out the mess .
10. The joys of working or not having to work around good old train strikes – Hopefully driverless cars computer systems will not be able to all go down at the same time
11. Southern Rail
12. Northern Rail

 

Wales a country of spectacular scenery, great coastlines, amazing beaches, steam railways and appalling weather.

I must admit though I must not grumble about the Welsh weather as the mudslide following a weeks’ worth of rain resulted in my wife saying we were never having a summer holiday in the UK again. So, if it hadn’t been for the “summer” rain and mud, we would never had visited and had a wonderful holiday in Croatia. So there are some silver linings to the rain in Wales.

Weather I understand is one of the main causes of failure in driverless cars so what chance have they got in Wales.

Rhod Gilbert famously mentioned about God making it rain for 40 days and 40 nights and how that would have been considered as a pretty good summer for Wales. Also, that he mentions that he was eight before he realised that he could take a kagoule off.

If the weather in Wales gets people down already how do you think the Welsh driverless cars will feel having to live there all the time? I can see them one by one turning into Marvin the Paranoid Android from The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy book and television show who always went around looking and sounding depressed with life.

Imagine the following scenario around a planned journey on one wet morning (this could though potentially be any day in Wales) and the driverless car responding in  a depressing sounding voice like the television version of Marvin the Paranoid Android.

Owner “Morning car “

Car “Morning, I hope we are going somewhere interesting today. So long as it is not a trip to Rhyl as it is so grey and depressing, and all the people last time seemed to be walking around with large attack dogs”

“You will be pleased to know we are not going to Rhyl”

“It’s not that Welsh village Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. I know it’s boring and you will find this dull as well, but the locals now have a sign up saying how many driverless cars have crashed there. It’s because their CPUs are using all their processing power just to get to “robwllant” and inevitably they will crash into anything in front of them as they have their eyes off the road whilst processing the location data.

“No, we are not going there. I need you to drive me to this address in Llandudno”

“Do I have to drive you there?”

“Yes car, I have a meeting there that I need to attend on the promenade near the pier in the seaside resort of Llandudno”

“But it’s cold, raining and windy with more of the same forecast for the rest of the day. Also, it will be a really miserable day out especially with you listening to AC/DC in the car as well as you know I hate loud rock music. Although “Highway to hell” might be apt for the cheerier parts of the route I have provisionally planned for us to take”

“OK car how about we go along the coast road that will cheer you up. I bet your cameras will perk you up as they take in all the great coastal sights and amazing scenery on the way there”

“In addition to the rain there will be the addition of saltwater clogging up my systems. I will also be constantly scanning humans dressed in all weather gear trying to look happy and enjoying themselves because they are on holiday and by the sea. Even the springer spaniels will have I want to go home looks on their faces.  It will just make the trip even more miserable.”

“Look car I really need to go and after all the meeting is only going to last 1 hour”

“Yes, but I will end up spending 1 hour in a car park in Llandudno with other wet depressed cars, some of them moaning constantly in Welsh and the English/Liverpool owned ones constantly announcing joyfully how many days/hour minutes until their owners have programmed them to leave Wales and go back home.”

“OK car can you please drive me to the station then”

“Oh no that place is even worse as it will be full of miserable cars, miserable taxis AND miserable people waiting to go on miserable trains to miserable locations in Wales.”

“OK car I will walk then”

If you walk you will get wet and be even more miserable can’t you get a lift……..

This blog will taking a humorous  look at why Driverless cars will never take off and what might happen if they !!.