Talking cars. What would they say?

I saw an article recently about a fight as to how driverless cars will talk to each other in the future.

Whilst watching pictures of Larry the cat under the presidential car I wondered what conversation Theresa May’s Jaguar would have had with the Beast during its recent visit.

Jaguar – Welcome to London how has the presidents preparations been going?

Beast – Initially Donald thought he was coming over for a B Day celebration and it wasn’t till Nigel called to ask why he had been sent a case of champagne that he realised his mistake. He told Nigel to keep it till end of October though and celebrate then.

Jaguar – So he was okay with it being the D Day celebrations?

Beast – Initially he was over the moon that the UK was having a special day named in his honour until an adviser said the D was not for Donald.

Jaguar – Easy mistake to make. Has he been making preparations for meeting Theresa?

Beast – Yes. He has been taking acting lessons from a trainer to ensure he doesn’t laugh when ever Brexit or Withdrawal agreement comes up in a conversation.

Jaguar – Donald does appear to have been laughing a lot with the Queen?

Beast – They have every time they meet started by saying  “And what do you do?” to each other.

Jaguar – The cold winter nights. So what other preparations has he being doing?

Beast – He has been practicing calling people by their first name after constantly using Jeremy’s rhyming slang surname instead of Hunt.

Jaguar – Talking of Jeremy’s where did the phrase negative force come from?

Beast – That came about as result of Donald’s use of predictive text. His notes originally ready “Jeremy Corbyn – Arse” and his auto-cue turned it into “Jeremy Corbyn negative force”

Jaguar – Michael Gove was also not granted access as well what was the story behind that?

Beast – Donald got word that someone in a skirt was desperate to meet him. He was really hyped up until he saw it was Michael Gove in a kilt. Not the sort of publicity picture he was looking for to show back home.

Jaguar – Going back to arses he did find time for a call to Boris?

Beast – Yes and No. Donald decided to prank him. Knowing Boris’s paranoia the security services suggested Boris not call him Donald but call him Alexa instead. So Boris actually had a 15 minute chat with Donald’s amazon echo. We did wonder if Loser by Beck as the hold music might have been a bit of a giveaway.

Jaguar – Talking of losing things people in the UK didn’t want to lose the NHS.

Beast – Again a bit of confusion as Donald overheard a conversation saying the Mexican wall might cause a drugs shortage problem which he for some reason thought might have been filled by the NHS.

Jaguar – Easy mistake to make he seems to have missed all the protesters how did he manage that?

Beast – That was ingenious we used one of the google mapping cars and took film of the routes we would be taking weeks before he arrived. The passenger windows were converted in to television screens and we played the route film with actors waving flags whenever we went out.

Jaguar – So all in all a successful visit then?

Beast – All went well except for Larry the cat getting stuck under me. It has now alerted all the terrorists that they need to up their efforts in recruiting cute cats to train them to get close enough to cause me damage.

Jaguar – Hadn’t thought of that. Anyway we must get ready now as just received notice that Harry and Megan have left Buckingham Palace and so it is safe for Donald and Theresa to return.